Well, it’s about time.

This Thanksgiving, I seemed to hit a new low. I was just hating the fact that once again, another holiday would pass where I wouldn’t get to see my own family. (Didn’t matter that logistically it’s challenging, not to mention damn expensive, for my own family to get together, given that my nearest relative is about 1,000 miles away.) The worst moment came when I realized I’m not sure if I can remember what my parents sounded like. After all, they have been gone for 14 years.

I don’t really care for this holiday. I can pretty much take or leave the traditional Thanksgiving food, and it just seemed like a burden to have to endure yet another holiday meal, table loaded down with food I don’t really like, while missing my own nutty family all the while. I just couldn’t take it, and I was teary-eyed a lot. The thought of another holiday hot on our heels wasn’t too thrilling either, since there are no surprises and it’s really rather lame.

Wah, wah, wah. I just felt like a complete failure. Really?! 14 years and still having trouble coping? What the hell. I felt like an ungrateful, whiny bitch and couldn’t seem to pull myself out of it. I’m not sure when the pivotal moment came, but somewhere in all that wallowing around in self-pity, I realized I could either be miserable or be happy.

I choose happy.

I’m still not sure how I’m going to pull it off, but the grey miserable shit seemed to lift. This year, when I put up the tree, it will be for me. I like my collection of little wooden German-style ornaments, and I’ve always liked the mini lights. This year, when I buy all the gifts, I will give them gladly without any expectations. It’s time to stop feeling all put-upon – to just stop.

Peace on earth begins with peace in our souls, so I say let’s go.

PRP update

Went for the PRP injection today – it all went well, was at most uncomfortable, and is now achy but not bad at all. I will have to take it very easy for the next couple of days – oh darn! 😉

Am hoping it gets this hamstring tear to *mend.*

Details: A small amount of blood was taken from my arm and put into the centrifuge to separate the plasma. The doctor then numbed the back of my leg with Lidocaine, and used an ultrasound machine to figure out where to aim the injection. Once the needle was in, he kinda poked around in several places along the tear. The idea is to kick the area into “recovery mode,” then flood it with the platelet-rich plasma for better healing. All in all, it was not very painful – I think at worst it was maybe a 3-4 on a scale from 1-10. Took about 5 minutes total with the needle. Post-injection instructions are to take it VERY easy for the next 2-3 days, then cut my total walking in half for the following 5 days. No yoga for 10 days, and no jogging/running for 3 weeks. Follow-up visit in mid-December.

788 days later….

It’s official – I have a partial tear at the very top of my hamstring, where it connects to my sitz bone. The MRI also showed tendonitis on the other leg. I went to the Duke Sports Medicine clinic, and the dr. said the tear is as plain as day. He showed me the white streak on the MRI which indicates fluid buildup. He also said he was very surprised there wasn’t a bone fragment in there somewhere. The bad news is surgery won’t fix it. I told him I should have kicked that board extra hard and just ripped the entire thing off, then surgery would fix THAT, ha ha! The good news is he is recommending PRP (platelet rich plasma) injections. Another option would be a steroid shot but that to me sounded temporary. I told him that whatever he does, if it’s just going to give me temporary relief, don’t bother. I’m interested in getting this HEALED, not just postponing pain with steroid shots or messing around with physical therapy which, so far, hasn’t helped. I found this link that explains the PRP thing. While they are ambivalent about the success rate, the doctor did say it’s how they treat the Duke football players. See? Maybe I’ve found my football doctor after all! 😉

http://orthopedics.about.com/od/injectio2/p/prp.htm

First PRP shot is scheduled for a week from Thursday. He said not to take any NSAIDs (Motrin, Aleve, etc.) for 2-3 days before. I will have to take it easy the day of the shot plus the next day, and no exercise for 5 days after the shot.

It’s kinda hit me hard that finally, after 788 days, I might be able to make some progress because I am SO DAMN SICK AND TIRED of having to modify everything I do, from yoga to getting in the damn car. It is just getting old and I think the prospect of hope was just too much and I got all teary-eyed. It’s all good, though, and we’ll see what this next wave brings. Surf’s up!